she was so not down for the gang bang
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
