She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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