how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
