In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
