I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
