its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
