I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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