Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize