it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
