Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
