I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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