i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
