guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
