That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
