When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
