Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
