the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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