JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
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cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
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You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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