take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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