Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
