You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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