Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
