..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
