piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
