My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
