are you still at the devil's house?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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