I should be sponsored by Trojan
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
you will always have a special place in my vag
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
