Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
