some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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