I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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