so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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