Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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