Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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