mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize