I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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