i'm signing you up for texting rehab
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
