There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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