So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
