After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
