i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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