she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
