yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
