Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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