Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
babies were throwing up all over the place
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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