My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
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I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
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ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize