I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
i think i just naturally attract stoners
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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