I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
