the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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