You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
