she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
