You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
