matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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