it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
