There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i already hear my dad disowning me
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
