Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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