I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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