this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
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thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
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Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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