There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
