You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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