How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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