Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
