I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
