if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Me too!
I want to walk on stilts...naked
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
