is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
