awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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