im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
