Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
