i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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