I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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