ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
