I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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