He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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