Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I think my fart just growled at me.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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