Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
